no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Are we still banned from the library?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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