at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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