Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
