Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
