Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
