I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
