I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
