So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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