Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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