I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize