i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
