we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
