well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
