Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
time to smoke my breakfast
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
