just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
