dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
