Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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