My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
