Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
