1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
