You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
