Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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