On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize