I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
