The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
