the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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