I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
