I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Who died my cat blue again?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
