Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
