1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
