I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
