8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
