my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
