Will you blow on my dice?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
