I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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