So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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