I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
