So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Bring me that man meat
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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