my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize