And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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