His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize