So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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