Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
