Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
