WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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