Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize