I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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