Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
