Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think my fart just growled at me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He shit in the fireplace
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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