dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
