Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
