I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
