Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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