There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
