watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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