I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
