He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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