I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
