You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
