so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
