I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
