I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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