All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
