im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
