We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
